Embedded Files
Symmetrical Paintings Project
After wandering the Earth most of his adult life, never staying in one place for more than a couple years, the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini) in Italy was to become Loid's 'permanent' home...
After wandering the Earth most of his adult life, never staying in one place for more than a couple years, the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini) in Italy was to become Loid's 'permanent' home...
View of Rimini, Italy from the balcony of Loid and his boyfriend's new home.
( To the right side is the 2000 year old Roman Tiberius Bridge )
Rimini, ItalyView of Rimini, Italy from the balcony of Loid and his boyfriend's new home.
( To the right side is the 2000 year old Roman Tiberius Bridge )
2007
Loid had been living with the Italian boyfriend though most of the 2000s between Italy, Los Angeles and The Desert Wasteland by overstaying his tourist visa a month or two each year without incident. It did however began to complicate and intensify his lifelong struggle with paranoia.
Loid had been living with the Italian boyfriend though most of the 2000s between Italy, Los Angeles and The Desert Wasteland by overstaying his tourist visa a month or two each year without incident. It did however began to complicate and intensify his lifelong struggle with paranoia.
Home renovation in progress on the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini)
Rimini, ItalyHome renovation in progress on the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini)
2007
In 2007, after already overstaying his tourist visa by almost a year, Loid and his Italian boyfriend bought a condominium on the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini, Italy (The Skyscraper of Rimini). This place in the sky had southern facing windows overlooking the beach and Adriatic Sea. The large balcony faced west overlooking the Roman and Medieval town of Rimini, Italy. Rimini is one of a few cities along a couple miles of coastline known for summer beach vacations and famous restaurants and nightclubs.
In 2007, after already overstaying his tourist visa by almost a year, Loid and his Italian boyfriend bought a condominium on the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini, Italy (The Skyscraper of Rimini). This place in the sky had southern facing windows overlooking the beach and Adriatic Sea. The large balcony faced west overlooking the Roman and Medieval town of Rimini, Italy. Rimini is one of a few cities along a couple miles of coastline known for summer beach vacations and famous restaurants and nightclubs.
Home Restoration Complete. Even then it seemed like a dream. Now it seems completely unreal.
Rimini, ItalyHome Restoration Complete. Even then it seemed like a dream. Now it seems completely unreal.
2007
Loid's desk in his studio on the 24th floor of the Skyscraper of Rimini. Gustav Klimt inspired acrylic on wood board.
Rimini, ItalyLoid's desk in his studio on the 24th floor of the Skyscraper of Rimini. Gustav Klimt inspired acrylic on wood board.
2007
Night view from the balcony on the 24th floor of the Skyscraper of Rimini with 2000 year old Roman Tiberius Bridge
Rimini, ItalyNight view from the balcony on the 24th floor of the Skyscraper of Rimini with 2000 year old Roman Tiberius Bridge
2008
There was always hope that gay marriage would someday solve both their immigration problems. Until then Loid had painted himself into a corner and there seemed no way out that did not leave a mess. To go though airport customs in Italy, where his passport would show the length he had overstayed his visa, could well end in deportation without the possibility to ever reentering Italy again. Or to stay in Italy illegally would mean living under constant threat of also being deported. In Italy when police pull your car over for a routine check everyone inside the car must get out and present their Identifications to ether the regular police or the militarily police. Every time Loid left his home in Italy and ventured outside he suffered from the constant paranoid fear of being deported and loosing everything.
There was always hope that gay marriage would someday solve both their immigration problems. Until then Loid had painted himself into a corner and there seemed no way out that did not leave a mess. To go though airport customs in Italy, where his passport would show the length he had overstayed his visa, could well end in deportation without the possibility to ever reentering Italy again. Or to stay in Italy illegally would mean living under constant threat of also being deported. In Italy when police pull your car over for a routine check everyone inside the car must get out and present their Identifications to ether the regular police or the militarily police. Every time Loid left his home in Italy and ventured outside he suffered from the constant paranoid fear of being deported and loosing everything.
Loid had overstayed his tourist visa for the last 4 years in Italy. Living as an alien in a foreign country, under constant threat of deportation, distorted Loid's reality. The paranoia he had experienced his whole life was now amplified and made real. The very real threat of loosing everything and never being able to return to Italy caused panic attacks and psychosis. All because gay marriage was not yet recognized by ether country.
Loid had overstayed his tourist visa for the last 4 years in Italy. Living as an alien in a foreign country, under constant threat of deportation, distorted Loid's reality. The paranoia he had experienced his whole life was now amplified and made real. The very real threat of loosing everything and never being able to return to Italy caused panic attacks and psychosis. All because gay marriage was not yet recognized by ether country.
Coast of the Adriatic Sea seen from Loid's studio on the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini) at night looking south with train station below.
Rimini, ItalyCoast of the Adriatic Sea seen from Loid's studio on the 24th floor of the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini) at night looking south with train station below.
2007
For a month in Spring 2008, in various apartments throughout the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini), peoples homes were transformed into stages for the SOLD OUT theatrical extravaganza CAMPANELLI "Door Bells".
For a month in Spring 2008, in various apartments throughout the Grattacielo di Rimini (Skyscraper of Rimini), peoples homes were transformed into stages for the SOLD OUT theatrical extravaganza CAMPANELLI "Door Bells".
Azzurro Polvere (Blue Dust). Preformed in front of an audience in our living room twice a night.
Photo credit Chico de LuigiRimini, ItalyAzzurro Polvere (Blue Dust). Preformed in front of an audience in our living room twice a night.
2008
Azzurro Polvere (Blue Dust)
Preformed in front of an audience in our living room twice a night
Rimini, ItalyAzzurro Polvere (Blue Dust)
Preformed in front of an audience in our living room twice a night
2008
In 2008, under constaint threat of deportaion, Loid began having a series of severe Panic Attacks. The stress of the attacks began to form cracks in his relationship to everyone around him.
In 2008, under constaint threat of deportaion, Loid began having a series of severe Panic Attacks. The stress of the attacks began to form cracks in his relationship to everyone around him.
"L'amore Cava Dalla Carne le Bestie e le lascia libere sotto un temporalele"
( Love Carves the Flesh of the Beasts and Leaves Them Free Under a Thunderstorm )
"L'amore Cava Dalla Carne le Bestie e le lascia libere sotto un temporalele"
( Love Carves the Flesh of the Beasts and Leaves Them Free Under a Thunderstorm )
Photo credit Chico de Luigi
Rimini, Italy2008
Skyscraper of Rimini at night as seen from the 2000 year old Tiberius Bridge ( Grattacielo di Rimini )
Rimini, ItalySkyscraper of Rimini at night as seen from the 2000 year old Tiberius Bridge ( Grattacielo di Rimini )
2008
THE TOWER (Tarot Card) .--Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin,. It is a card in particular of unforeseen catastrophe. Reversed: Negligence, absence, distribution, carelessness, apathy, nullity, vanity
That vision became the video art project:
That vision became the video art project:
Loid and The Technological Singularity in his studio on the 24th floor of THE TOWER / Skyscraper of Rimini ( Grattacielo di Rimini )
Rimini, ItalyLoid and The Technological Singularity in his studio on the 24th floor of THE TOWER / Skyscraper of Rimini ( Grattacielo di Rimini )
2009
6 months after Loid's experience in Amsterdam his Italian boyfriend had a heart attack in front of him and appeared to have died while they were renting an apartment for 6 months in Greenwich Village, New York. Since then Loid had begun to exhibit symptoms of psychosis and an increase in the paranoia he had dealt with his whole life. These symptoms greatly increased during the last years in Italy living as an illegal alien on the 24th floor of a Tower on the opposite side of the planet from where he was born.
6 months after Loid's experience in Amsterdam his Italian boyfriend had a heart attack in front of him and appeared to have died while they were renting an apartment for 6 months in Greenwich Village, New York. Since then Loid had begun to exhibit symptoms of psychosis and an increase in the paranoia he had dealt with his whole life. These symptoms greatly increased during the last years in Italy living as an illegal alien on the 24th floor of a Tower on the opposite side of the planet from where he was born.
Loid's psychologist friend recommended a therapist to help overcome the fear of being deported, getting on a plane, returning to the USA, leaving Italy, and leaving his only home. All sessions of therapy were done with the idea that taking the chance of leaving and reentering Italy legally would give Loid more options to stay permanently and become a resident of a country that had felt like home for so many years.
Loid's psychologist friend recommended a therapist to help overcome the fear of being deported, getting on a plane, returning to the USA, leaving Italy, and leaving his only home. All sessions of therapy were done with the idea that taking the chance of leaving and reentering Italy legally would give Loid more options to stay permanently and become a resident of a country that had felt like home for so many years.
Loid and Argintine Agent Paulo saying goodbye in front of the 2000 year old Roman Tiberius Bridge and the Skyscraper of Rimini ( Grattacielo di Rimini ). 24 floors above Rimini, Italy they would talk endlessly about Space and Time and about the approaching Technological Singularity,
Rimini, ItalyLoid and Argintine Agent Paulo saying goodbye in front of the 2000 year old Roman Tiberius Bridge and the Skyscraper of Rimini ( Grattacielo di Rimini ). 24 floors above Rimini, Italy they would talk endlessly about Space and Time and about the approaching Technological Singularity,
2009
Last view from Loid's studio window before leaving Italy forever
Rimini, ItalySeptember 2009Last view from Loid's studio window before leaving Italy forever
Some Things Are Not Meant to Be
Some Things Are Not Meant to Be
Click here to read Loid's departing letter to his Italian boyfriend
✏️
Click here to read Loid's departing letter to his Italian boyfriend
✏️
In the beginning with You life seemed to be so simple.
In the beginning with You life seemed to be so simple.
When you were sad, I made you happy.
When you were sad, I made you happy.
When I was weak, You made me strong.
When I was weak, You made me strong.
When you were bored, I gave you music and told you about the stars.
When you were bored, I gave you music and told you about the stars.
When I felt alone, You brought the world to me.
When I felt alone, You brought the world to me.
When you needed to travel, I created a job that’s too easy to be real.
When you needed to travel, I created a job that’s too easy to be real.
When I was lost in myself, You took me for walks on the beach.
When I was lost in myself, You took me for walks on the beach.
When you needed to smile, I made beautiful sunsets.
When you needed to smile, I made beautiful sunsets.
When I was hungry, You created eatable art.
When I was hungry, You created eatable art.
We tried to learn each other’s language, but in the end invented our own.
We tried to learn each other’s language, but in the end invented our own.
Our own unique intimacy. We were two little boys and everything was new.
Our own unique intimacy. We were two little boys and everything was new.
We were opposites… like a cat and a dog.
We were opposites… like a cat and a dog.
It’s amazing we’ve been together so long.
It’s amazing we’ve been together so long.
Now it’s all fucked up. Because that simple version of me died in Amsterdam.
Now it’s all fucked up. Because that simple version of me died in Amsterdam.
Somehow I came back to life and I returned to you.
Somehow I came back to life and I returned to you.
But it’s not me anymore. I have become a exaggerated memory of all that I was.
But it’s not me anymore. I have become a exaggerated memory of all that I was.
When you died in New York I wished you back to life to have another chance.
When you died in New York I wished you back to life to have another chance.
I needed to find a way to tell you not to be afraid…
I needed to find a way to tell you not to be afraid…
so we could find ourselves again.
so we could find ourselves again.
But when you came back to life you were no longer you.
But when you came back to life you were no longer you.
Everything became exaggerated and I no longer knew who you were.
Everything became exaggerated and I no longer knew who you were.
I had remembered you wrong? I remembered everything wrong?
I had remembered you wrong? I remembered everything wrong?
When I went crazy and lost faith in the world you made me a safe home.
When I went crazy and lost faith in the world you made me a safe home.
A tower in the sky on the other side of the earth from where I was born.
A tower in the sky on the other side of the earth from where I was born.
To escape any further I would need to go to the moon.
To escape any further I would need to go to the moon.
And I’ve tried to go further, but it’s never far enough. It’s still always me.
And I’ve tried to go further, but it’s never far enough. It’s still always me.
There IS something terribly wrong with me. It is not you or the world.
There IS something terribly wrong with me. It is not you or the world.
I have escaped inside my head to avoid telling you the truth.
I have escaped inside my head to avoid telling you the truth.
In the Tower we wait. And we watch each other. And wonder who will jump first?
In the Tower we wait. And we watch each other. And wonder who will jump first?
Did I make you crazy or did you make me crazy?
Did I make you crazy or did you make me crazy?
Or are we just crazy like everyone else?
Or are we just crazy like everyone else?
When I broke all the rules of society, You struggled to keep me in your world.
When I broke all the rules of society, You struggled to keep me in your world.
You did everything possible for me but I resisted.
You did everything possible for me but I resisted.
I resisted because the more I saw of your world the less I understood it.
I resisted because the more I saw of your world the less I understood it.
I am so afraid of what I have become. I’m so afraid to finish this story.
I am so afraid of what I have become. I’m so afraid to finish this story.
For one year I’ve been paralyzed. Unable to move or speak to you.
For one year I’ve been paralyzed. Unable to move or speak to you.
When I try to speak to you only the wrong words come out.
When I try to speak to you only the wrong words come out.
I knew this made you sad so I created the perfect animal to give us a family.
I knew this made you sad so I created the perfect animal to give us a family.
I thought this would bring us closer together.
I thought this would bring us closer together.
But instead has become another excuse to not look you in the eyes.
But instead has become another excuse to not look you in the eyes.
Because when I look at you I am ashamed. And I’m afraid.
Because when I look at you I am ashamed. And I’m afraid.
I’m ashamed of all you have done for me. I’m ashamed for all I’ve failed to do.
I’m ashamed of all you have done for me. I’m ashamed for all I’ve failed to do.
I’m ashamed because my fear is destroying our dreams.
I’m ashamed because my fear is destroying our dreams.
I have created a trap for myself here.
I have created a trap for myself here.
I know there is no way out without making a mess.
I know there is no way out without making a mess.
The truth is… life with me has never been simple. And never will.
The truth is… life with me has never been simple. And never will.
The truth is… I am broken. I don’t believe there will ever be enough time to fix me.
The truth is… I am broken. I don’t believe there will ever be enough time to fix me.
The truth is… I love you. But all my love can not erase how much I’ve hurt you.
The truth is… I love you. But all my love can not erase how much I’ve hurt you.
For me, my life with you has been better than any novel or film or play.
For me, my life with you has been better than any novel or film or play.
I thought I could create art to show you my perspective of the world.
I thought I could create art to show you my perspective of the world.
But you are correct… I’m not an artist.
But you are correct… I’m not an artist.
I know I have to leave you.
I know I have to leave you.
It will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.
It will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.
I know I’ve already delayed this for too long.
I know I’ve already delayed this for too long.
I have to leave you to prove that I love you.
I have to leave you to prove that I love you.
You are the Light of my world and I have become the Darkness of yours.
You are the Light of my world and I have become the Darkness of yours.
CHRONOLOGY
CHRONOLOGY
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